Six Things I’ve Learned After Six Months of Marriage

May 11, 2012 by

Pretty Ring Things

That’s right — it’s our half-iversary!

Unfortunately, I’m in NYC and Miles is in Virginia.  But I’ll be home on Sunday, and we’ll celebrate formally then.

Today, however, I’d like to make a quick little list of things I’ve learned over the past half-year.  It’s short, because I know I still have a lot to figure out, but there is one little lesson for every month of marriage.

 

 

Six Things I’ve Learned After Six Months of Marriage

  1. I’m not the center of universe.  Who knew, right?  One of my parents’ friends actually told them when I was a kid that I did the best impression of an only child that he’d ever seen, for someone with two siblings.  But sharing my life with a partner and absolutely, honestly, wanting him to have everything and do everything he desires has made me realize that not only is the entire world not all about me, my own life isn’t all about me.  It’s a good lesson, a long time coming.
  2. Change is not impossible, but it is improbable, and often unnecessary.  Miles doesn’t believe in a designated area of the house for shoes.  I don’t do laundry every week.  Both of us think the other could be better about doing the dishes.  But marriage isn’t about trying to “teach” each other new habits or “train” each other to be different.  I put his shoes away, he washes some of my clothes with his, and we both help with dishes when asked.  Neither of us expects that one day we’ll morph into perfect roommates, and these trivial housework issues are absolutely not worth worrying over.  C’est la vie, as they say.
  3. I’m not supposed to travel alone.  I used to love it, but now I can feel a definite hole where Miles should be.  It makes taking trips a little less fun, knowing who I’m supposed to turn to when something cool happens, and realizing he’s not there.  I think the most human part of an experience is sharing it.  And Miles is a person whose enthusiasm for both the bizarre and mundane matches mine.
  4. Everything’s better with a partner.  Joys are doubled, woes are halved.  Every victory has a co-captain, and every defeat has a cushion.  It’s truly the best part of the whole endeavor, and while I understood this on a small scale because I have an amazing family and incredible friends, nothing prepared me for how utterly and totally I would entwine my life with Miles’s after we got married, and how much more I would get out of every experience.  It is, simply, the best thing ever.
  5. I’m slightly crazier than I previously thought.  It’s not until you spend every single day with someone and they give you repeated looks of quoi that you realize maybe all your habits aren’t sane.  I’ve just lived with myself so long that I totally accept that I need to wash my feet before going to bed, I kind of don’t believe in whales, and I won’t eat salads whose main component is lettuce.  Having someone question why I do what I do sort of forces me to reexamine some of the stranger facets of my grown-up life, but as I said, change is improbable.
  6. I know what a home is.  I grew up in a home that was loving and terrific, but after a decade out on my own I forgot what it’s like to be anchored by four walls.  Since marrying Miles, however, I’ve realized that wherever we are together, wherever we hang our toothbrushes, whether it’s a hotel room, cruise ship cabin, friend’s spare bedroom, creaky tiny room at a 100-year-old inn, or rental house in a strange new town where I don’t know anyone — that place we are together feels permanent and secure.

I’m sure there are things I’ve left out.  It’s hard to sum up such a momentous change of lifestyle into one little list.

Anyone got any marriage realizations or lessons they’d like to share in the comments?

All photos in this gallery were taken by the inimitable Julie at Grayscale Photography.

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9 Comments

  1. Ashley

    #2. TOTALLY feeling you on #2. I haven’t come to terms with it yet. I want to train him. Grrrrr.

    And #4 is lovely.

    HAPPY SIX MONTHS!!!

  2. These are all so true! I’ve been married 9 1/2 months and I agree. Another to add, I’ve really learned the saying “never go to bed angry” is true! I don’t sleep well and it makes for a grumpy morning. Always kiss goodnight and forgive and forget; it’s better for everyone!

  3. Devon

    Agree with #6. After 10 years of together (6 1/2 married), and 6 major moves (3 of them cross-country), I can honestly say that wherever Bil is (and now Alie too!), that place is home. Best feeling ever.
    Happy six months and many happy returns!

  4. Christina

    #1 – Do I know the person that made this observation? I feel like I might. Also, I find it very freeing, that my life is not all about me, but now lived for Matthew and Liam. After marriage I figured out that this is what I had been looking for. Kinda takes some of the pressure off, ya know?

    #2,3, & 4 – So True!

  5. Sarah

    These are really good. On a side note, every time I see a picture of a whale (which really isn’t all that often) I think of you and your doubting of their existence. 🙂

  6. Jean

    As a person whose been married for 33 years and 12 days, I’d say you’ve learned A LOT in six months! Happy Halfiversary!

  7. Natalie

    This is really true, you really learned A LOT in six months! Happy Halfiversary! From nat and Family

  8. Breanna McNabb

    This should be doubled at the one year annivsary. I will look forward to reading it!

  9. Rikki

    I love this! I feel the same way about ol’ Leif. Especially the home part. And I like to think I’ve gotten better about doing the dishes, but not because he asked me to change–he just sets a really good example and makes me want to rise to the challenge. I like what you said about not changing the other person. And traveling!
    I’m SO happy that you found such a good fit in Miles.

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